Monday, September 29, 2008

If I miss God's call, will he leave a voicemail?

It has been one of those kind of months. When I say those, it's the kind of month when you take 2 days off the entire month because you are so busy trying to meet deadlines, you refuse to stop. Today is Monday. Monday is supposed to be my day off. Today is not a day off, I've been working for most of it. Recently, I've found myself yearning to run out the door of this place and never look back. But, in the way that God usually does, He says, "why don't you just wait it out?" So I stand at the end of what should be my day off and ask you, what’s next?

There are some brutal pieces to the environment I’m working in at Trinity. The hours are long. I’m often left feeling totally depleted and abandoned. I’m going broke trying to give as much as I can to everyone around me. I have very little for myself. I’ve caught myself clutching to anything life giving in the last few months. I don’t want to be the kind of woman who clutches at whatever she can get her hands on. No, God created me to be so much more than someone clutching and reaching. God created me to be the one who hands to those who are clutching.

I believe God is not a God of circumstance. I believe He is a God of decisions and calling. I believe He has called me to Trinity. So how do I create a pocket of greatness at Trinity despite the long hours and this overwhelming feeling of depletion? If greatness is a conscience choice, then I need to combine my heart’s deep gladness with the world’s deep hunger. My longing is to vision people forward and away from themselves.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Leadership

I haven't been very good at keeping a blog. But, as I worked on 5 year goals this morning and thought about my desire to write. I decided, blogging is a free way to write and put my thoughts out there without any formal commitment. It's a stepping stone. Today is a new day and therefore the perfect day to start a new journal.

I've been doing a lot of research on leadership lately. I'll be starting my Masters in Global Leadership from Fuller with the next few weeks. I hardly feel equipped to be a leader and yet I find myself striving to be the best leader I can be. I'm naturally drawn to great leaders and often wonder why that is. Today, I spent some time this morning gleaning from CCC in Naperville. Jon Ferguson has been a big inspiration to my church and a lot of other churches. I wonder what it is like to work with someone like that. He seems like the kind of senior leader that cares deeply about investing himself in to the staff he works beside. I don't always see churches, particularly Lutheran churches investing in the staff they serve beside. So often, we are preoccupied with the work that NEEDS to be done and not the work that COULD be done.

Nehemiah, is in my opinion, one of the best stories God provides on leadership. Nehemiah's dream is to restore the wall around his hometown. This is much to the annoyance of Sanballot a neighboring leader. The Jews fear being attacked, but Nehemiah prays with the people and puts guards near the family. As the community stands in fear of rebuilding the wall fast enough, watch what he says to them about the tasks at hand, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."

Nehemiah reminds me to fight hard for my home and my family. Leadership is not always family friendly. It doesn't always give me time to care for the home God has helped me establish. But Nehemiah reminds me that God is great and awesome and wants me to fight for those blessings. God longs for us to invest in the lives of the people he has put into our lives. My hope is that I can be a reflection of the leader God empowered Nehemiah to be. So often I look at ministry as wall in ruins, evidence of past wars, wear and tear, noticeable cracks. Yet as God has shown through prayer and proper vision, we can repair the church. We can change the world. But, it will take some fighting.